Journaling – love, hate, commit

joyHi, my name is Anne, and I desperately want to journal. I have so many people in my life that are great at journaling. They have notebook upon notebook of journals from over the years. Every day they meticulously write down their thoughts, ideas, dreams, inspirations and I gaze upon them with envy. Now, I own some journals and have even started several times. One journal I own is like a “Journaling for dummies” sort of book. It has lead in questions and thoughts that will prompt you what to write about….fail. I have a devotional that gives you blank lines at the bottom of each page and even asks a question to prompt your writing…fail. I was given a lovely blank journal when I began this nonsense in my body and was successful for a day here and there but one day it was the closest thing to me when I needed to write something down during a phone call so it turned into a scratch pad….fail.

This year will be different or at least I hope it will be and I have a plan. A few years ago I presented a journal plan to a group of friends. It took off for a while but fizzled. I ran across it in my Timehop today (that’s an app that shows you your posts from FB, Instagram and Twitter over the past 5 years) and something was reignited within me to try again. I called it my JOY Journal. Every day I would write down 3 things; one that had to do with Jesus, one that had to do with Others and one that had to do with myself or You. J.O.Y. Simple, straight forward and covers all parts of my life.

Now as I wrote in my last post, I know with God’s help I can accomplish any goal. Journaling and being committed to journal daily is one of my goals so I will pray that God will help me to achieve this goal.

If you have wanted to journal and just don’t know where to begin, join me in 2015 to find the J.O.Y in your life!

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If at First You don’t Succeed

God spoke to my heart about reading through the bible this coming year. It is something I have tried before and failed. As I continue to write my blog (livinglifeforreal.com) I want to learn more about biblical characters and applying their stories to everyday life. Best way is to read. I know I have the time and God knows the things He wants to strip away so I use my time wisely. (I’m a TV junky – just bein’ real)
When I think about starting on this task and possibly failing I get so discouraged. Statistically only 8% of people fulfill their New Years Resolutions so the odds are not in my favor. However, if it is something God told me to do then I know I can do it! I don’t think God is ever concerned about odds or stats. I certainly want to be obedient to what He asks of me so I am encouraged by this scripture:

“The Lord gives strength to those who are weary.Even young people get tired, then stumble and fall. But those who trust the Lord will find new strength.They will be strong like eagles soaring upward on wings;
they will walk and run without getting tired.”Isaiah 40:29-31

If you are thinking about starting something this year, trying to make a new commitment be encouraged. If you have tried before and failed, keep trying. Don’t give up!one year bible

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Well, that was fun

I am two weeks past my surgery and resting comfortably at home. I’ve been wanting to write but it just hasn’t seemed like the right time until now. Since I’ve shared everything, and have been very transparent, I felt like a little wrap up after the surgery, was in order. I want to share what they did and how the recovery is coming along as well as how all of the prayers have truly been answered.

First the surgery, (December 1st) took longer than expected. The doctor was very meticulous to make sure he got it all. In the end, he removed the middle lobe of my right lung, a sliver off the top lobe and 3/4 of the lower. The top lobe is the biggest so I’m actually left with more lung than he thought I would have, which is outstanding! The initial night in ICU was rough, but they took great care of me. I don’t handle medication well and now I’ve been pumped full of various medicines, so nausea and such was expected. Tuesday morning while waiting to be transferred to a regular room, they made me sit in a chair. UGH! No fun, but I guess it’s needed to begin the recovery process. I’m not one for bucking the system so I’ll do what they tell me if it will help in my healing. I was moved to a private room and had a tremendous amount of pain in my right shoulder. Considering my arm was probably up over my head for 7 hours, that only stands to reason. I had no other pain. Let me say that again, I had no other pain. There was discomfort, due to a huge drainage tube sticking out of my side, but no pain. God is soooo Good!

The next thing I had to do was walk. Ummm, ok. That sounds like a bad idea, but again, they’re the experts and I’m here to do what I need to do, to get well. So with 2 tubes out of my side, 3 various IV type things, my EKG cords, and oxygen….off I went. I managed to walk down the hall to the nurse’s station and back to my room, and was told that was excellent. YAY ME!  You are also given a little breathing tool, called a pickle, in which you take as deep a breath as you can then blow into this little contraption so it makes a flutter sound. 10 times every hour. Get those lungs working and do you what is needed, so pneumonia doesn’t set in.  By dinner Tuesday night I was on regular diet which was also a good sign.

Things got a little interesting mid-week. During the night my heart rate would drop down in the 40’s and then shoot back up in the 90’s. I also would have, what they called “pauses”, where my heart would stop for 2-3 beats. It’s an interesting experience being woken up to the nurse telling you they are attaching defibrillator pads to you just as a precaution. Say what?! Ok, I’m awake now and not even thinking about closing my eyes! That will get your heart pumping again! So that continued for the next three nights and the reason I stayed a bit longer in the hospital. Thank you to Bethel music for wonderful worship to bring me peace. Focusing on Jesus and worshiping definitely brought a sense of calm.

I was cleared by my doctor as well as a cardiologist on Saturday (December 6th) and went home to my own bed(well my recliner anyway). Since I’ve been home I have really been feeling quite well. It’s a process, and of course there is discomfort, but I feel like my breathing is good. The incision looks like a big scratch, and I’ll have very little scarring. I have been so blessed by the cards, flowers, phone calls, texts, food and visitors, I know that has helped my healing process tremendously!

 

Today I went backPray, It Works for my follow up appointment and have them remove a stitch from where the tube was located. I am happy to say I was given a gold star for my recovery progress! Lung looks good (different but good), incision is healing well, my breathing sounds good….I am so happy!

 

I truly feel like the overwhelming amount of prayer is the reason. At one point I believe God said “Ok, enough already, I hear you!” There is so much power in prayer. I have no regrets in sharing this experience with all of you and I hope you can look back over my posts and be encouraged when challenges come your way. Remember that nothing takes God by surprise. He is never taken off guard like I was when I first heard “you have cancer tumors in your lung”. In John 16:33 Jesus tells us that in this world we will have trouble but to take heart, HE has overcome the world!! The hope lies in Jesus.

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Where is My Focus

The past week or so has been a bit stressful. I’ll just be honest and say I feel everyday like I am having some sort of panic attack. Totally not me. I chalk it up to the surgery right around the corner and of course feeling like I have to get a million things done before that day arrives. I was also feeling stressed not having the details in regards to my pre-op day or my surgery day. Details people, details….Sheesh don’t they know me! Getting caught with all the details and feeling like I had everything ready, I couldn’t understand why I would feel stressed. I’m prepared. Checklist complete!

This morning I was sitting readying my bible and reading a couple devotionals and had such peace. I thought wow, I don’t feel stressed right now. I wasn’t having the palpitations, I didn’t feel anxious or nervous. I felt peace. The minute I started to think about my surgery that is now only a week away and thinking about what is yet to come I started to feel stressed.

This is an easy conclusion my friends. My focus needs to be on Jesus. Probably one of the best examples is Peter. Good old Peter.

 “Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “truly you are the Son of God.’”

 There are so many lessons in this passage of scripture but I want to talk about what I need to focus on when the winds start to blow and the storm rises up. When Peter kept his focus on Jesus he had no trouble walking on the water. There wasn’t any fear. The minute he began to panic and focus on the storm he started to sink! No surprise. In my own situation I need look no further than this biblical truth to find that my focus needs to be more on God and less on my situation. Of course I am going to be nervous, it’s a big surgery! But there is no need for it to consume me or make me feel anxious. Have you ever said the words “I get nervous just thinking about it!”? Wow! So true for me today! I need to quit thinking about it!

binoculars-iconMy Prayer: Today Lord, I choose to focus on you. The author and perfecter of my faith. Thank you Lord for your gentle reminders when I lose that focus. I am sorry when I lose sight of you in the midst of my trouble. Thank you Lord that through only you I can find peace in the midst of the storm.

 

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Season of Giving

I remember back when Katie was about 8 years old someone was kind enough to take her Christmas shopping. When she got home she was bursting at the seams to tell me what she bought me for Christmas. I remember standing in her room and she was so excited she just blurted out “It’s Jerry McGuire!!!” and began to laugh hysterically. She knew I loved that movie and was so happy that she got me the perfect gift she couldn’tgift-giving wait to give it to me.

As we enter into this season of giving I reflect of course on the greatest gift ever given and that was Jesus Christ. How excited God must be as He says “I have this gift, just for you. It’s perfect, you’ll love it and all you have to do is reach out and receive it.” You see you can know who God is but He wants so much more. When you receive the gift of Jesus, you can enter into a relationship with Him. We all can recite the scripture – “For God so loved the world that He gave us His only son; that whosoever believes in him with have eternal life.”

Step one – God gives the WORLD his only son. Not just good people, not just a specific denomination, not just people we see as living right….no it says God so loved the WORLD.

Step two – that whosoever believes in Him (Jesus) will have eternal life. It can be anyone, even you. This requires action on our part. We need to believe.

Now, I know for me I didn’t really think God was that interested in giving me a gift. I didn’t really feel like I deserved it after all I had done. I was probably on the naughty list. But God wants to give this precious gift to everyone. I just finished my Christmas shopping and I didn’t hesitate for a second to make sure all of our children and grandchildren received gifts. It would never even enter my mind to leave one of them off the list because of something they did wrong! Same with God. He loves us all the same and has this precious give for each and every one of us. You just need to receive it. Romans 10:9 says “If you declare with your mouth that ‘Jesus is Lord’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

During this season of giving, take time to receive the love of God through the gift of His son Jesus. Go back and read through the scriptures related to the birth of Christ during this season and think about how much He loves you. Matthew 1: 18 – 25

Father as we approach this most beautiful season of Thanksgiving and Christmas let us be reminded of how thankful we are for what is most important. The love of family and friends but most of all your love for us and the gift of Jesus. I pray God that those who don’t know you would begin a relationship with you this season. Let even those that feel like they have nothing to be thankful for and don’t really have any gifts to give be touched by your spirit with a warmth and love like they have never known.

 

Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas

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Forgiveness

This is a post I wrote November 14, 2013 about forgiveness. I felt it was worth sharing on my blog because of the transparency.

I have held a grudge with a person for 301 days. Today is the day I CHOOSE to forgive and let go. How could I let the words of a person cut me so deeply that I have spent this long picking at the scab. How could I let the lies eat away at me to the point of depression, feelings of failure and wanting to just crawl in a hole and die. It may come as a surprise to hear me say this but it’s true. I am sharing this publicly because I believe FB needs to be an honest platform, not just rainbows, butterflies and ‘look how perfect everything is”. Does it make me a little vulnerable? Maybe, but if you read my posts I want you to really know me.
I had a conversation with someone that I thought was a friend only to have them tear me to shreds with their words. Not only to me but publicly. It has festered in me for yes….301 days. I lived the saying “Unforgiveness is like drinking the poison hoping the other person dies.”
The virtual world of FB and Twitter keeps people in your life even when you don’t want them to be. Even if you unfriend or don’t follow them, they are still a connection to you through others. This has led to my continued build up of hatred, anger, sadness and depression. Today is the day I CHOOSE to forgive. If I want God to “forgive me of my trespasses” then I need to “forgive those that have trespassed against me.”
I pretended for a long time that it really didn’t bother me, that I could let it go but here I am 301 days later and it’s there in my thoughts every waking hour. Today I CHOOSE to forgive. If there is someone you need to forgive even if they never apologized to you, say this pray today:
God, I release this person of the hurt they caused me. Father I pray that you will forgive me for letting this get in the way of all you have planned for me. I repent of my sin. Father, thank you for casting my sin into the sea of forgetfulness and I pray that you will help me to do the same with this wrong that had been done against me. Father bless this person in every area of their life. Soften their heart Lord to know that their words are powerful for both good and bad.”unforgiveness
Today I am thankful that I serve a God who knows me so well. Who loves me unconditionally and gently works with me to learn lessons only He can teach. I share this with all of you in hopes that it gives you an opportunity to forgive someone that has hurt you. During this season of Thanksgiving, l am thankful for a God that loves me so much that He gave His only Son. That he who believes in Him will have eternal life. God loves you and so do I.

Great Read by Joyce Meyer: http://bit.ly/1xTB1zx

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Sucked Dry

strawsI want you all to do a little test with me. Close your eyes and picture yourself as a tall glass of water. Now I want you to picture everyone in your life with a big straw. Pretty straws in all sorts of colors. Some are even bendy straws or those cute straws that curl around. They look so nice and harmless……..But if they all need something from you what do you do? If each one is sticking their straw in you at the same time, how do you handle it?

If you are a working mom maybe your husband needs his shirt ironed, a child that needs to get to practice, a boss that tossed you a “last minute” report to complete, the chair of the committee you signed up for asking you to make 40 cupcakes by tomorrow. Really? You signed up for yet another committee? Ok that is self-inflicted wounds and we’ll save that for another post.

Maybe you are the dad whose child is begging you to coach his team and your daughter who after you’ve had a very long day needs help with a project that is due tomorrow and she had 2 weeks to do it. And the kind old woman next door who asked you to please clean her gutters (who can say no to her, have you tasted her homemade cookies?) and your boss who demands more and more from you and you are really hoping it will lead to that raise you’ve been expecting and your pastor that needs help this Saturday (your only day off in 3 weeks) and on and on….

Or are you that college student that took a huge course load and has a demanding professor and is at school on an athletic scholarship with practice 5 days a week and the coach tells you it’s not enough. That scholarship means everything so you don’t want to blow it. Plus you’re working a part time job and your boss asks you to put in a few more hours.

Suckers….we all have them. Individually that love you, mean well and have legitimate things they need from you. One doesn’t know (or care) that the other people are around you with their straws getting ready to get something out of you. But, if the straws are all in your glass filled with cold, refreshing water you will soon be sucked dry. Then what? What do you do when you have given so much and you no longer have the ability to give? Like I said I’m not talking about self-inflicted wounds or bad boundary setting, I’m talking about life. How do you deal with the day to day things/people that will drain you? You look to Jesus.

He is truly the best example of what to do when the straws are all coming at you at once and are draining every drop of life from you. Who had more demands on His life than Jesus? He had twelve guys that at times seemed like they couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag without Jesus. Jesus had thousands following Him from town to town wanting something from Him. A healing, a teaching, a parable, to come to their house and visit etc. How was it that Jesus was able to keep up with the demands? Prayer. We see many examples of times in the gospels where Jesus took time to pray.

In Mark chapter 1 right off the bat we see Jesus going to work by selecting His disciples, driving out a demon, healing Simon’s mother-in-law who was in bed with a fever. Verse 32 says “that evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed.” 34 says “Jesus healed many who had various diseases and drove out many demons.” Wow, that is a full day! I can’t even begin to imagine the number of people wanting Jesus to help them and have these newly selected twelve wanting to ask Him a million questions.

In verse 35 we find the lesson: “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Following that in verse 38 Jesus says “Let us go somewhere else – to the nearby villages- so I can preach their also. That is why I have come.”

Life is going to be busy and we are always going to have many demands on our life. In order to manage the chaos in our lives it is best to go into it “prayed up” as we say. When the people that need us, that rely on us are draining us of all we have to give, prayer time with our Father is the best way to face the next day. Now the “getting up while it was still dark”….I’ll leave that up to you!

Stop now and spend 5 minutes with the Lord and say:

Father your Word says:

  • That you are with me, I will not be dismayed, for you are my God. I rely on you for my strength and I need you to help me.
  • Father I know that I can do all things through You, for You give me strength.
  • And I know that as you told Joshua we are to be strong and courageous because You, my God, are with me wherever I may go!
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The Big Lie

The Big Lie

One of my pet peeves and a phrase that just gets under my skin is “God never gives you more than you can handle.” What a bunch of crap. I can think of many times when I seriously wanted to tell God “ENOUGH!” “UNCLE!” I could not handle one more thing. You know what I mean don’t you? When you have one thing pile up on another, on another and so on, the last thing you want to hear from someone is “You know, God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” What in the world are you supposed to do with that? How is that going to help you get through an incredibly difficult time? That phrase implies you are all on your own and I know that just isn’t true.

Isaiah 41:13 says “For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”

In Isaiah 41 Israel had just come out of war and were tired and weary. God through Isaiah tells the people He is still there for them and will give them strength and help them. He will help them defeat any army that comes against them! He takes care of the poor and thirsty, makes water flow in dry places and causes trees to grow in the wilderness.

When you seem overwhelmed and life has dealt you more than you can handle, you need to look no further than God’s Word for comfort, peace, strength, wisdom and grace. He wants you to look to Him for help in times of trouble. If you have a relationship with God thru His son Jesus Christ then you have what you need to get through even the most challenging of seasons. You see, with God you can handle anything! You are never alone. The key is to be drenched in God’s Word daily, hourly and even minute by minute if needed.

I’ll be the first to admit that after I found out I was dealing with these tumors my prayer life went way up! (Just being real) I knew the only way I was going to get through whatever was ahead of me was to open my bible and begin to search out scripture. I began to read stories of biblical characters to see the situations they walked through, how they handled them and how they came out on the other side. How God was there to help them in their time of need. Sometimes we know God is there but by going back through the Bible we can reassure ourselves that He will not leave us.

Here are some verses to keep deep in your heart if you are feeling overwhelmed. If you are at a breaking point and need to know God is there.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Prov. 3:5&6

In the day of my trouble I call upon you, for you answer me. Psalm 86:7

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. Psalm 61: 1-3

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What’s Holding You Back:

FearI was talking to one of my bff’s this morning and she was sharing with me how she would love to see her child excel in something that they are so gifted in but don’t want to do. She said it’s frustrating as a mother when you see in them something so awesome but they don’t want to do it. I said I totally get it. I remember during my daughters first three years of high school I was begging her to try out for the spring musical. She could sing. She had this natural ability, this gift, so why isn’t she using it! Finally her senior year she tried out and sure enough landed the understudy to the lead! The director said to me “Seriously? Where has she been?”

My friend then said to me “Don’t you think that God feels the same way about us as we do as parents about our children? He gives us gifts, talents and abilities but we just don’t use them?” I said YES! I totally agree and felt I needed to write about it. What is it that holds us back….FEAR! I know my daughter knows she can sing but fear told her maybe she didn’t sing that well. Or what would her friends think, would they pass judgment? What if she tried out and didn’t make it? Fear.

I know personally I have assignments that God has put on my life, things He has told me to do that I just keep putting off. Why? Fear. I keep making excuses, reasons I don’t think I should, reasons He should ask someone else and it all comes down to fear. What will people think if I share a personal story that at one time brought me shame but now through God’s grace has brought me peace? OR what if He has asked me to start an outreach project but the cost, scope, details etc. have trapped me in fear?

If we take a look at Moses from the Old Testament, he dealt with the same fears. Now his assignment was pretty extreme compared to some of the things God has asked of me so I totally see why he was afraid. I mean, God told him to go back and lead the Israelites out of Egypt. To rescue thousands upon thousands from the bondage of slavery and the hands of pharaoh. Umm, no small task. Before even going to pharaoh, Moses needed to convince the Israelites (the elders) that God spoke to him through a burning bush and instructed him to do this. So Moses decided to talk to God about all the reasons he couldn’t.

First he humbly says “Who am I that I should go?” God assures Moses that He selected him specifically and that God will be with him. Moses then asks a very good question “So what if they don’t believe me?” God then shares with Moses the signs that Moses will perform that will make them believe. Not one sign but several signs. Next he told God “I am slow of speech and tongue.” Basically, he stutters. I’ll be scared enough and on top of it all I won’t be able to get the words out clearly to explain to the elders what you have asked me to do. God said, since I made you I am sure I know you can do this and I will help you and teach you what to say. We’ll practice and you’ll be prepared going in. When that didn’t work Moses said flat out “Send someone else.” I know I personally have said that several times to God! Basically, “nope, you better move on to your plan B.” Like God needs a plan B! So God said to Moses, fine I’ll send Aaron along with you to speak but you will take the lead and perform the signs. At the end of Exodus 4 verses 27-31 it says:

The Lord said to Aaron, “Go into the wilderness to meet Moses.” So he met Moses at the mountain of God and kissed him. Then Moses told Aaron everything the Lord had sent him to say, and also about all the signs he had commanded him to perform.
Moses and Aaron brought together all the elders of the Israelites, and Aaron told them everything the Lord had said to Moses. He also performed the signs before the people, and they believed. And when they heard that the Lord was concerned about them and had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshiped.

The rest as we say is history and Moses completed this huge, scary assignment that God put on his life. Truth is, if God has told you to do something then He certainly has equipped you to do it! Now it may not be such a task as leading an entire nation of people to freedom but it may be as small as forgiving someone that hurt you or asking forgiveness of someone you hurt. Making that phone call to someone who you haven’t spoken to in years but know you really need to hear their voice. Maybe it is finally leading a bible study group on a subject you are passionate about and know it would benefit others. Maybe it is, like me, sharing your story of a scary season in your life. Like Moses and his stutter, I certainly don’t think of myself as a writer but just someone with a story to share and a God who told me to share it. Make this the day you overcome your fear and step out in faith knowing if God told you to do it then He certainly equipped you to succeed!

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior” – Hillsong, Oceans

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Childlike Faith

Landon

This is my great nephew Landon. He lives in Florida and rarely has the opportunity to see or experience snow. The week before their New Years trip to see Grandma and Cool Moose (grandpa) who live in North Carolina where it does snow on occasion, Landon began to pray to God that there would be snow at grandmas. (He also asked his Aunt Alli who is in heaven to help and put in a good word.) That entire week he continually said “I know God will make it snow!” “Grandma I’m praying that it will snow when we visit!” As you can see, it did snow. Enough to build a precious little snowman and put a big smile on a little boy’s face. Isn’t it funny that even though there wasn’t a ton of snow he was still so happy! That precious childlike faith that hasn’t been tarnished by things of this world, but simply believes whatever he asks for he will receive from his a Father in heaven. It snowed and that was all that mattered.

As I walk through this season in my life, it seems funny to learn such a valuable lesson from a then 4 year old. Keep believing, keep speaking what you believe and keep praying.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

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